Life without Facebook

What will the world be like after facebook? That means no more “likes” and photo cropping. No more sneaking to login at work. No more farmville. Or crazy celebrity look-a-like apps. No more inbox-ing the girls you have crushes on. No more spam email tags of shoes, jewelry, and naked ladies an such. Finally no more poking. “What does that mean anyway?” Finally, no more links and play by play of who’s now in a relationship, just getting out of one, or on the verge of a very public break-up. “Ouch!” No more logins and passwords… or those stupid encoded scripts with fake words like “chea” or “fefiva.” Because it never made any sense. Finally no more bathroom profile pic’s with you standing on the toilet. “Eww! Gross!” (At least flush the damn thing.) Finally the world will be free from distractions  or reactions for that matter. Finally no more fake pages made up about me with obscene comments on  my most unflattering photo’s. Finally, I will not get the latest and greatest from high school ex’s that want to reminisce about old times. “Yeah, I’m so over it! Are you ready? Yes you?” You can totally do this… Imagine for a moment what the world would be like after facebook? Sure you’d have the Ipod infinity, or the Macbook of excellence but really, what would the world do? How would your cell phone feel if you didn’t hold it close after every single notification or alert? What will happen to the facebook army? Because you know there’s gotta be one. Maybe facebook will be bought by AARP and they’ll let senior citizen’s converse for free.  Hmmmm…

 Life without FACEBOOK!  Life without Facebook. Life without Facebook! Since I’m not Dorothy and this is not the Wizard of Oz saying it three times won’t make facebook magically disappear off this side of the earth. But late at night in my dreams I can only hope you live to tell your children or grandchildren how much time you actually wasted in a vast wonderland. It’s your ‘Time’ people. The most valuable asset we all share. Some people’s time can cost millions, others pennies on the dollar but neither can be replaced, or recycled. (Unless Warren Buffet figures that out.) Life without facebook folks  it’s like having a book with no pages, a computer with no screen, a magician with no magic, David Beckhum with noVictoria(tragic). Facebook has single handedly infused it’s self into our daily lives. I practically live at .com, sleep on my wall, and talk to my screen. What a life for me? My ancestors are probably rolling over four times in there graves at the hard work I’ve accomplished using my pointer finger to click the mouse a gazillion times a day. Really? Even when I’m on the book, I regret spending so much time being lost in finding and analyzing other people‘s crap. I got crap of my own to find and analyze. “Huh, I get tired just thinking of it.” Life without facebook can’t stop at earth though… Life without facebook will some how figure out a way to reach the heavens and send God a friend request. Pretend here with me… You’ll have Angels and Demons updating their status’ with who’s souls going to heaven or hell for that matter. God, I pray you won’t allow it, but what if He does? God would be facebook chatting sinners saying, “You know I’m a forgiver. Check out the link of the last person I saved.” Hypothetically speaking, of course. (In no way would He do such a thing.) I’m just saying the book knows people. And when you know people, stuff gets done. I mean done, done. Is it really  a preposterous idea to just want my regular life back? I’m an 80’s baby and I do remember life without facebook. Life, before the web sucked me in. Life, where hanging out with friends was more important than anything… Remember truly laughing, touching, embracing the ones you loved? Not clicking a “like” button on there most prolific achievements. Not just writing on someone’s wall “Happy Birthday” but actually picking up the telephone and giving them a call. Not sitting back and letting friends and family grow older through a box, a book, or a web. That life sucks monkey balls (excuse my French.)But what happened?

 I’m not totally blaming the book for all my life’s problems, I also blame Google, limewire and Bing! (They know everything!) The complete access to anything in the world with a type and click of a button is empowering, don’t get me wrong. As a Journalist I find it way useful. However, it’s the abuses that hurt us all. I believe the next big reality show will include Dr. Phil and a bunch of num-nuts on how to recover from internetoscolphy. It’ll be the new thing. I know public opinion will probably disagree and argue my life was in the shits way before the book came along… but what if it wasn’t? What if a normal kid got lost in the very thing that helped it grow up? What if the book actually transformed the super shy kid into a super social kid? What if the book helped that guy finally let the girl of his dreams know exactly how he felt about her? And they got married. I realized that it’s not the book that I need to turn off but my life I need to turn back on. Life hasn’t stopped because of one popular site, hell look at myspace? People have stopped. Life without facebook is a momentum that is forever grateful to the book of faces, friendships, memories, regrets, laughs, sadness, remorse.. For every unconventional emotion, akward response, weird request, or invitation. This goes out to you! Life without facebook, now that has got to be NOT TRUE!

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